Moving from INTEGRATE to REGULATE with Cautious Optimism
A Caregiver's Nervous System Reset
Cautious optimism feels like walking on eggshells made of hope. My son is finally med-compliant with his paranoid schizophrenia, and I'm caught between celebration and terror of what comes next.
It feels like my cells are dancing with my hair standing up in cycles from my arms to my legs. When my daughter dropped a book yesterday, I immediately called out his name to shift his focus, but he was asleep. Man, I was jumpy. That's what years of hypervigilance does to your nervous system - even when the crisis passes, your body doesn't get the memo.
What's happening in your brain when cautious optimism meets caregiver PTSD?
Your amygdala has been in overdrive for so long that it doesn't trust this new calm. Every sound, every change in routine triggers that familiar "protect mode" response. Your nervous system is literally trying to recalibrate from years of high alert, but it doesn't know how to power down safely.
This is the transition from INTEGRATE (learning to live with ongoing mental health challenges) to REGULATE (actively managing your own emotional and physical responses). As caregivers, we get good at integrating our loved one's condition into daily life, but we forget we need to regulate our own nervous systems too.
My scent strategy for nervous system recalibration:
On-demand regulation: I carry an inhaler with German chamomile and lavender everywhere. When that jumpy feeling hits, three deep inhales literally interrupts my fight-or-flight response. It’s works because German chamomile tackles frayed nerves and deep emotional baggage and lavender relaxes long enough to accept the calm state faster.
Ambient support: During the day, I diffuse ylang ylang and spruce. Ylang ylang increases serotonin right in my hippocampus while spruce gives me permission to breathe without guilt. I typically combine this with another complementary therapy - progressive muscle relaxation.
Sleep transition: After years of being up all night managing psychosis episodes, I had to train myself to sleep through the night again. I massage my hands with spikenard, balsam peru, and geranium oil, then do an Evolutioner session. My body finally gets permission to rest.
The truth about moving from INTEGRATE to REGULATE: Your nervous system needs as much attention as the person you're caring for. Cautious optimism isn't weakness - it's wisdom.
Your body remembers what it took to get here. Now you have to be intentional about sending signals from the mind to the body to release the trauma.